I’ve had a real struggle emotionally accepting the reality of what has come to be over the past week and a half. I’m still holding onto some hope, but there’s no ignoring I have an injury, significant enough that it’s making me question if I’ll be able to run the race. It’s depressing, and frustrating, and it just plain old doesn’t seem fair. It makes me wonder how down in the dumps professional athletes must get when they suffer a serious injury.
So I gave myself several days of rest before heading out for a run last Thursday. My foot was sore, but manageable. My knee, however, really started to give me some concern pretty early on in my four mile run. So I took another day off, the pain ended immediately when I stopped running, so I figured I was okay. I headed out for another run on Saturday. I was planning for five miles, still trying to ease my way back up after taking some time off. Almost immediately the pain in my knee was there, and stronger than ever. I fought to make it a little further thinking I could make it three miles to at least get myself home. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t even get my leg through a stride, and the pain was shooting and strong. I finished out 2.5 miles, and hobbled my way home. At this point all I wanted to do was cry, not for the pain, but for the thought that after all this time I might not be able to complete this run in a few weeks. And the pain wasn’t subsiding, it stuck around for a couple days, even with a steady diet of advil and icing. It’s left me feeling unbelievably sad. I want to finish this out, I want to reach my goals, I want to put on my running shoes and go make myself stronger, faster, more prepared. And yet all I can do right now is sit and wait, rest, hope for the best.
The pain has improved over the last few days. That gives me a small amount of encouragement. I was unable to go to the doctor due to the holidays, or I would have been there. Another day or two of rest, and I’m going to see if I can get out there and do a short run again. I don’t want to push it. I know if I go back out and the pain comes back, that with just 18 days until the race, I’ll be sidelined. My only chance on this is to wait long enough to heal, and still give myself enough time to get out and prepare. I know I’ll need one more long run for the sake of my confidence. I figure I can do that as late as a week before, which gives me the rest of this week and next. I’m still hoping to do this.
On a good note, I stopped to get my mail after I hobbled home on Saturday, and I finally got my prize. The first time I’ve actually been rewarded for running. I received two tickets for a Coyotes game for taking first in the 10k I ran back in October.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. Send me all your good thoughts and knee strength…I’m going to need it over the next few weeks!
Week 15 Summary: To heal. I finished out 6.5 miles, and worsened my injury.
Week 16 Goal: To heal, and to run again. I know I need to wait as long as possible, but it’s so hard to not be out there running. It’s what I want to be doing. The only thing allowing me to sit still is knowing the longer I wait the better chance I have at being healed enough to not set myself back.
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